My Awakening: How Isolation Led Me Back to Myself

Why friendships end during healing

At the start of my spiritual awakening journey, the veil was removed, and for the first time in my life, I was able to see the people I had around me; family and friends.

I had to let go of family members who had consistently shown me they were never there for me. Breaking promises they had made. Promises I never asked for in the first place. They always claimed they couldn’t be there for me because of my unstable mother, and that going through her to support me was too much trouble. I had understood that. But now, as an adult, with no one to go through in order to support me, I realised these family members were just chatting crap. They still couldn’t be there for me. So, I removed them from my life.

To be honest, it was easy for me to do this because you can’t miss what you never had. But I was still upset about doing it because I’d always longed for a close relationship with my extended family.

Then there were my friends. Two friendships I had to end, both really important to me. However, now that I could truly see, both friendships were dysfunctional.

One of them hated to see me thrive, to see my success and my achievements. The other was like a bad boyfriend, always making plans with me, and then I’d go on social media and see her doing those same plans with someone else, followed by an apology for said plans ‘falling through.’ She breadcrumbed me to keep me there. I only ever saw her when things were rocky with her husband. I was the voice of reason and wisdom.

So understandably, I ended both of those friendships with a heavy heart. It was painful for me because I loved them both, but they weren’t able to value me because they weren’t valuing themselves. And the moment I started valuing myself, all of my friendships, important and unimportant, ended, as well as the relationships I was trying to build with certain family members.

For three years, I was in isolation, and half of that time I was angry. Not having any friends to hang out with, to grow with, to do life with. I was constantly asking the universe, When is it going to be my time to make new friends?

Then, a year and a half in, I made peace with the isolation and leaned into it. There wasn’t much else I could do other than accept that this was part of my journey and that it was going to lead me where I wanted to go.

So, five years into my spiritual journey, here’s why healing through solitude is necessary:

1. Signs of codependency

Looking back, I always had a boyfriend or a friend that I did everything with. I always allowed them to make the decisions for me. I just couldn’t be alone. There was always someone else’s voice and opinions in my head, and the universe needed me to think for myself, to lead myself, and to understand and know the power I wield.

2. Becoming your own guide

I’ve made mistakes and society treats mistakes as though your life will end by making certain ones. Like having children with the wrong person, resulting in becoming a single mother.

Yet the universe was being gentle, compassionate, and kind with me when it came to making mistakes.

These mistakes gave me wisdom that I now impart to others.

What if I was supposed to make those mistakes?

The universe was teaching me that it’s not about making the right or wrong decision in the eyes of society. It’s about making the right one for me. And even if it’s the wrong one, I have the power to come off that path and choose the right one.

To trust that I know what’s best for me.
Not a friend. Not a boyfriend. Not a book. Not a podcast. Not a guru.

But me — the Observer.
I am the Alpha and Omega.
The beginning and the end.
Everything and yet nothing at all.

Yes, that was a revelation in my isolation.

I am the future, the present, and the past. I’m happening all at once, simultaneously. I know what’s best for me, and I trust every decision that I make. I trust that no matter what happens, I will always be fine.

3. Self-discovery and growth

Any time I was faced with a problem or an unwanted situation, I would call a friend to help me get through it. I wanted someone to tell me what to do because I was scared of making decisions.

Being isolated helped me to quiet my mind, manage my anxiety and fear, become calm and then work through the problem myself until I came to a solution I was happy with.

Doing this helped me see that most problems are illusions in disguise. They’re your blessings. But because change needs to occur we resist it.  see my post Why Trusting Change Feels So Hard (And What Happens When You Do) 

Change usually occurs because you’ve outgrown your current setup, situation, routine, etc. This gave me confidence within myself. It made me value and honour myself. I became in awe of my problem-solving capabilities. I had always solved problems for others, now I could do it for myself fearlessly. 

It made me see my power, and how I had given it away especially to those less than worthy of me and my skill set.

4. Trusting your intuition

I had been conditioned, like most of us from childhood to ignore the quiet voice within. Then, as an adult, I kept choosing the same patterns and people who would reinforce the narrative of dismissing my intuition.

But in isolation, I had no choice but to lean into that voice.
To hear the quiet voice when she spoke.

Now, I can truly say that my intuition is always right.

The more I listen to her, the louder she becomes, or I’ve simply made the outside noise silent.

Either way, I never do anything without consulting her first.

5. Emotional healing process

I now take risks without having to consult with friends or family. I do consult others but they’re experts in that field. I omit the friends and family from this process because I no longer need validation. I have it within myself.

For instance, no one knew I was creating a blog until the week it was launching. I didn’t need the validation or reassurance that I was doing a good thing or the “right” thing. I already had that from myself.

I did consult experts on web design, SEO, and social media presence  but I didn’t go to anyone for permission.

The permission came from me.

The only person that matters is me when it comes to my decisions — because I’m the one who has to live and be happy with myself every day.

Not my friends.
Not my family.

All in all, being in isolation helped me to love, like, value, honour, and devote to myself. I love the woman I’ve become.

The isolation started me on a love affair with myself, and I’m thankful that I eventually saw the light and decided to accept what was happening.

Now I have a very small circle of supportive and loving friends, and I voluntarily go into isolation when I feel I’m shifting onto a new timeline because the only voice I need to listen to during that time is mine and the universe’s.

There comes a point where you start to enjoy your own company. You start to make decisions that support your peace. You begin to protect your energy at all costs. That’s the magic of isolation.

And no it’s not glamorous. It’s not a beach retreat, a silent yoga trip in Bali or an ayahuasca retreat in Costa Rica. Your spirituality can be found at home…… 

It’s messy.

It’s sacred.

And it’s yours.

Where have you rejected isolation when the universe called for it?

Sage
P.s. Leave a comment if this resonated with you or share this article with someone who needs to read this.