When I look back at my spiritual awakening, I am thankful for the books and the people who recommended them to me at the most pivotal moments during that time.

Each of those pivotal moments was loud and carried much tension within me. I was at my breaking point, and these breaking points always had me asking a question that would bring Morpheus to my door, asking me which pill I wanted to take: the red or the blue pill. I always chose the red pill, which is no surprise, as I am a natural seeker of truth. And although, in some cases, the truths in these books were painful to read, they always turned noise into serenity and tension into peace.

These books helped me to surrender, to let go of what was no longer me, and to keep moving forward even when I did not have the answers to quench my thirst for guarantees before making a move.

Conversations with God: Book One

This book was recommended by my old therapist.

You can read the story here.

Conversations with God helped me tear down the prison society had convinced me to build. A prison full of rules: people-pleasing, playing small, not taking up space, always thinking of others but never of myself.

God had no rules for me to live by. She didn’t care how I decided to show up, because all roads led to the same destination: death, so that I may transition and come home.

Neale’s conversation with God removed the veil. God wanted to be my friend, not my dictator. God did not want me to fear her. God wanted me to see that the more I connected with myself, the more I was connecting with God, until we were one and the separation was no more.

After reading this book, I was able to talk to God without fear and shame. To show up as I was, which is something I was never able to do as a Christian.

I became excited about my life with the knowledge that I had control over it. God wanted me to play, and I wanted to play more than ever. God wanted me to test her, and like a child testing its boundaries with a parent, I tested mine with God. I allowed myself to dream, to want more, and I started to trust that God wanted more for me, too.

And so I took the reins of my life and started to tell God where I was going instead of begging her for permission, and she rode alongside me. I told her my secrets instead of pretending I had none.

And then the epiphany landed. Real sin is separation from self. To separate from self is also separation from God, and it doesn’t matter how many boxes you’ve checked: virgin until marriage, children in wedlock, heterosexual relationships only. If you are running from yourself, you are living in sin, and that’s the only sin there is.

I’m so grateful for Neale’s courage in writing and publishing this book.

The Power of Now

This book came to me whilst I was two years into my twin flame journey.

You can read about twin flames here.

I had released my twin flame internally, but my mind was so loud and constant that the only reprieve I got from the noise was when I was sleeping.

You can read more about this time here.

This wasn’t a new book. I had bought it almost four years earlier, but at the time, I couldn’t get into it. It made no sense.

I had bought a course about twin flames, and the book was recommended as a tool to calm the mind.

And like a disorganised foreigner in the desert spotting an oasis when in desperate need of water, I tussled with my bookshelf and found the book, covered in dust, relieved that I still had it because I did not want to wait any longer, even with Amazon’s promise of next-day delivery.

And the book became my oasis. It nourished me, supported my mind, and provided a home for me to lean into as I moved through my transformation.

Repetitive thoughts that I would scrutinise over and over again began to get thinner and thinner until they merged with the air, like steam leaving a kettle and becoming no more once it had whistled its tune.

I now knew how to manage my thoughts, to simply observe them without judgment. They required no story, and so I gave them none.

The Untethered Soul

Another book recommended in the twin flame course and community I participated in. 

This book helped me identify the ego and understand that I am not my ego. Like Adelaide in the movie called Us, I realised there were two of me: my conscious self and my ego and like Adelaide I decided to become untethered, however, unlike Adelaide, I didn’t allow the ego to take over. 

I had always been quick to forgive, even when I wasn’t ready, which, in hindsight, delayed the process. The untethered soul, taught me why forgiveness was important. It’s a powerful act that only benefits the one who forgives, and understanding what happens to the one who does the forgiving required me to honour the time it takes for me to truly forgive people. That this act cannot be rushed, but it cannot be ignored either. Like a Libra, I was to balance the scales of harmony within me and the need for justice. 

The Great Cosmic Mother

This book came recommended by God herself. I must admit, I put much pressure on God to recommend this book. 

After I was able to manage my ego and mind, I was receiving multiple downloads almost every day. And this particular download was so great that I told God if I’m to share this knowledge, I have to have sources to back this up, because the people will never believe me. I waited a year for this book.

The download I received was that Women were here first. For many, many years before the arrival of men, and that the black woman is God. 

I must admit, I didn’t finish reading this book. I got to the chapter on black women and was incredibly disappointed with the small section it gave. The reader acknowledges the black woman was first, but doesn’t honour that. 

And so I came back to God and said this is not enough. I need more. 

A year later, she gave me….

The Sybils (The First Prophetess’ of Mami (Wata)

This book confirmed my downloads. Of course the Black woman is God.

Our ancestors were the only women who were not born under patriarchy.

This is why we’re so strong. Our essence, our soul, is always seeking and fighting to get back to what we know. We may not have the language for it, but I’ve yet to meet a Black woman who will roll over. She may have low self-esteem and may have had a terrible upbringing, but she always carries the energy of, you can never keep me down.

I’ve yet to see that in any other race.

Our insights, our intuition, and our gifts are unmatched and should be gatekept, not plastered all over social media for everyone to consume and harvest, only to capitalise on by creating two-day courses and teaching what they have not fully embodied.

This book was the last spiritual book I read. After this book, I trusted all my downloads, visions, and epiphanies and never again needed God to back them with sources.

I finally understood where I came from, who I am, and what I’m here to do with my life as a Black woman.

Final Thoughts

Each of these books helped me get back to myself, back to the little girl before the world got its hands on her.

Whether or not that was their intention, these books aided in my deconstruction of the systems and beliefs we as a society have been taught to accept as right and wrong.

If you decide to read any of the books I’ve recommended, I hope the pages you find yourself on offer you the same solace, comfort, and wisdom they offered me.