What would my body like me to know about safety and support? is a prompt I used when I hosted a 5-day meditative writing and channelling ritual for a small group of women going through a life transition. 

What I didn’t expect was to be a participant in a ritual I was facilitating. 

I looked down at the blank page that was there to only take notes about the ritual, and yet my hand picked up the pen as though it was answering a call I had not heard and began writing along with the other women. 

One of my angels stepped beside me and began to whisper what I needed to hear, the same words the pen was scribbling. 

How could this be? How am I to hold space for these women and also participate? 

But as always, I didn’t ignore the pull. I did exactly as I was guided to do. 

So what did I write?

I am no longer in survival mode. I am being supported, it just looks differently than what I expected. 

The time of slaying dragons is over. I’m in an era of peace and prosperity, where I feel and know the Universe is co-creating with me. In fact, one of my guides who arrived at the start of my being in the liminal space attached his desk to mine and has not left it since. I knew then that as long as I showed up and did what I was able to do, my spiritual team would take care of the rest.

But old ways of living take a long time to shake off. I’ve never had an easy life until now. Up until this point, everything I’ve achieved has been because I’ve climbed a mountain carrying a boulder on my back with chains shackled at my feet. 

Every time something good happens to me, I’m looking over my shoulder for the equivalent in a negative form, because that is how it has always been. 

But now, like Moses and his people who wandered the desert for 40 years, I’ve finally arrived in the land of milk and honey. 

You’re probably wondering what living in the land of milk and honey feels and looks like. 

In February, after much research, I realised my body stopped responding to the way I lived my life. I was doing cardio and HIIT six times a week, eating mostly whole foods, with a couple of takeaways a week, and moving through life like I was the Road Runner in the Looney Tunes cartoon. 

And yet my joints were aching, I was constantly getting UTIs, and my stomach was getting bigger each time I worked out. I no longer felt serene after exercising either. Instead, I felt as though I had gone 10 rounds with heavyweight champion Lennox Lewis. My head was blown, and I was seeking to be knocked out as a way of rescue. 

And so with dread in my heart, I wrote down a plan. I didn’t want to because I knew what it takes to implement new habits. But I couldn’t go on like this either. So I prepared for another mountain climb. I packed the boulder myself and chose which chains I was to be shackled with. 

I stood waiting, carrying the boulder and chains, yet the mountain did not appear. I just put it down to doing something new, and after a couple of weeks, the novelty will wear off, and the willpower will activate… the two weeks appeared and turned into a month, and I showed up each day, but there was no mountain, and no devil showing up telling me what I wanted to hear for me to give up. It was seamless. 

I enjoyed the process, and my body began to change. My joints stopped hurting, and my UTIs disappeared. My body began building muscle, and one day I woke up to abs showcasing a four-pack. 

So what does all this mean? 

People still operating in survival mode, even when they have resources, are always rushing around, always tired, have no time for themselves, and are usually dealing with health issues. 

I was being asked to slow down. Actually, I was being forced to. And in the slowness, I understood I was no longer operating in survival mode but from a garden, with loamy soil, guided to choose the seeds that I wanted to plant and nurture. 

There was no force in this, just a space asking me to trust myself. I was asked to show up as a creator, as the creator, and my guides became less instructional and more, “What do you have for us? We are at your service.” 

I put down the boulder and chains, picked up the seeds and small garden shovel, and started digging up soil to plant my seeds. 

My garden was to be full of wildflowers, untameable and free, nurtured by my hand, and it would give back to me limitlessly. 

I planted wisdom, truth, trust in myself, the ability to not give a fuck about what people think of me, for my voice never to be censored, nourishment, love, patience, kindness, fun, play, abundance, and to be fully witnessed.

These showed up as sunflowers, Scarlett Indian paintbrush, marshmallow hibiscus, cornflower, and wild bergamot. With Oak trees on each side of the garden and strawberries appearing when my guide has a sweet message to give me, or bitter leaves when the message is not quite what I want to hear. 

Nevertheless, a garden that brings forth ease. That’s not to say I do not face challenges, but the challenges do not feel like a sinking ship. They are teaching me how to do the same things differently. 

For instance, I’m learning to lean into uncertainty instead of guarantees. To choose intuition over logic. To be okay with not knowing the answers and having it all figured out. Trusting how I show up is enough, and the universe will take care of the rest. To trust in my gifts after being gaslighted for so long about them. 

The garden is allowing me to bloom, and in that, I am nurturing the parts of me that have been hidden and allowing them to shine. 

I have no idea if this garden is a permanent fixture, but it has shown up while I’m in the middle of a transition, and so every day I show up and tend to it. 

I pray that in this lifetime you get to experience a place of ease and peace, where your gifts and passions are nurtured, and you are fully witnessed by yourself. 

The garden you cultivate is a space that is pruning you to be the woman you’ve always wanted to be. 

Want to know how I got here? Click here to read The Liminal Space: Living in the In-between