What is Ego Death (My current state)

I had just gotten our kitten. It was supposed to be a happy moment for my children and me, and yet my oldest child, Phoenix (18 years), and I were at loggerheads. 

I felt (and still do) that she was disrespectful to me. 

Me?! Who was still financially supporting my daughter in every way until she found a job. A job that was to her liking. I was being supportive, yet she was still disrespectful to me, and it felt like the energy was pushing me to throw her out of the home. 

Phoenix refused to apologise for the disrespect, and that was all I wanted. She didn’t see anything wrong with what she was doing. And I couldn’t continue being disrespected, so moving out once you’ve got yourself sorted turned into moving out in the next hour. 

And if you know anything about Phoenix, then you know she is stubborn, just like me. No matter what you throw at her, she will overcome it. Just like me. 

Half of me was raging: why would you want to be homeless? Just apologise. The other half was impressed: look at her standing ten toes down on her truth.

While she was packing, we argued. Then she decided to go for a walk, and I called my friend.

Why ego death feels like everything is falling apart

I poured it all out: how I felt like everything was falling apart, including my relationship with my daughter. How one of my guides had told me in meditation to cut all cords — even the cord with my daughter. How I knew she had to go. She needed to find herself, and she couldn’t do that while still living with me.

My friend, who lives in Dublin, invited Phoenix to stay with her family for a little while.

My personal experience with ego death

When I told Phoenix, her whole energy shifted. This was exactly what she’d been manifesting for her gap year — the chance to find herself in another country.

And I realised something: when you’re intentional about how you walk through struggles, your falling apart can become someone else’s blessing.

The spiritual gifts of ego death

The cat I had wanted six months ago — the one who’d been promised to someone else — became mine six months later. She was never late. She was always meant for me.

I’ve only had her for a week, but she’s been curled at my feet, purring while I cry and journal. She’s been my quiet support.

I thought I was alone in this ego death, but I’m not. I’m being held.

Even the phone call to my friend — I wasn’t going to make it. Something pushed me. And I’m glad I listened.

How to surrender during an ego death

Yes, an ego death means your current self dies. But your new self is already there too, ready to step into the blessings while your old world crumbles.

For me, this hasn’t been an either/or. It’s been a surrender. The Universe is carrying me close to Her chest, reminding me She’s trustworthy.

What ego death teaches you about rebirth

I’ve asked for a transformation. I cannot receive it as I am. This ego death has been in the making for months.

Why do you think I changed my name to Sage?

If you’re walking through your own ego death, remember this: endings aren’t punishment, they’re preparation. What feels like loss may actually be the doorway to the life you’ve been asking for.