How Self-Worth Transforms Your Dating Life After Healing

“Why are you watching my pockets?” I asked the guy I was on a date with.

“Because I wanna know how you can go out to dinners in Canary Wharf and travel the world with your children,” he said.

I rolled my eyes. He might as well have called me big money.

“Oh, right,” I said, bemused. “I’ve never had a man check my pockets before.”

“Have you not?”

“No, I only date men who are well off.”

Silence…

I was trying so hard not to laugh. Two minutes earlier, this same man had told me he made well over six figures but wasn’t exactly sure how much.

Insert side eye.

Whether you’re a millionaire or on minimum wage, everyone knows exactly how much they earn.

At that point, I already knew I wouldn’t be seeing him again. He was definitely not someone I would choose, but I was still having fun.

This was my first date in four years.

Since my spiritual awakening, I’d been energetically blocked from men. I didn’t resist what the Universe was doing; I surrendered.

And as a recovering control freak, surrender isn’t always easy for me.

You can read how to surrender here. 

But for the first time in dating, I wasn’t trying to be chosen.

I wasn’t trying to prove myself.

I was calling the shots, and I knew exactly what I wanted, not what society told me to accept.

When you do the inner work, you see yourself so clearly that you see others clearly too. You don’t need a long talking stage to know if someone is right for you.

I knew, after just one date with this man, that it wasn’t going anywhere.

Here’s why:

• He tried to touch me on the first date = groomer
  
• Tried to have sex after a few drinks = desperate, lacks self-control
  
• Lied about his income = insecure, nothing to offer
  
• Tried too hard to find out what I wanted in a man = actor, needed a script
  

Dating as a healed woman means you spot the red flags before they even wave.

At one point, he was grasping at straws and said unprompted that he was looking for a “mother and wife.” Yet he couldn’t tell me what kind of partnership he wanted to build.

That told me everything I needed to know: lack of emotional intelligence and lack of self-awareness.

Still, I wasn’t disappointed. I was fascinated.

Because it made me reflect on something deeper, women as a whole.

While there are women doing the inner work, the majority still aren’t. And that’s why men like the one I was on a date with can get away with this kind of mediocrity.

I had to ask myself the dreaded question:

Are women really this desperate to be with a man who’s not even on their level?

I’ve said this before, and I’ll keep saying it:

Women are natural leaders. Men were created to follow.

I talk more about this here

The problem is, most women don’t know how to lead because they’ve been programmed not to.

Real leadership starts within by going inward, loving yourself, getting selfish about your peace, and becoming completely obsessed with how you want to feel.

Being alone should never be a woman’s fear.

That’s a man’s fear because women have community. They are the community builders. 

And I say this as a woman who currently has no friends, but I do have my sister, my daughter, and a network of online and offline acquaintances who support me when I ask.

I also have my higher self, my spirit guides, my ancestors, and the Universe.

And you do too.

Men need women.

Women need women.

And until women realise their own beauty and power, we’ll keep seeing mediocre men as the majority for their gender.

Men respond to action.

He will love you as much as you love yourself.

Only a few of us truly overstand that being loved is your responsibility.

To be loved the way you want and need, you must demonstrate that love to yourself first.

As you might have guessed, I told the guy I wasn’t interested and wished him well.

He responded nicely, but my intuition whispered, You’ll hear from him again; he’s obsessed with you.

I laughed it off.

Twenty-four hours later, he texted me asking why I’d made that decision.

Of course he did.

I didn’t take the bait. I told him that it wouldn’t serve either of us for me to explain what I wanted in a man, and if he wanted to improve, he should do it for himself, not to get a woman. That kind of improvement never lasts.

When you love yourself, you start to see everything differently, the good, the quirky, and even the shadows most people try to hide and hide from.

You see yourself clearly, and because of that, you see others clearly too.

Pair that with high self-esteem, and dating becomes one big game.

A game you can play or walk away from because you already know the prize is you.