It was April 2019, a few months after I had found out my ex had cheated on me. When I found out about the cheating, I laughed because even in that, he couldn’t get it right. I took that as a sign that I was okay and continued the relationship. But within a week, my body felt like it had been catapulted back in time. I was having panic attacks, just like when I was a child growing up in a violent home.

My sister had started her therapy course and was also in therapy herself. She and I spoke almost every day. She would share about her sessions, and I was fascinated by her journey. She inspired me to try therapy too. I thought it would help me move forward with my relationship, since I had tried everything else.

At the same time, my children’s father was taking me to court due to his lack of access to me because I had moved on the children, and everything felt heavy. Therapy felt like the only thing that could help me through.

And therapy did work, just not in the way I expected.

How therapy helped me see the truth

In my first session, I realised I wasn’t crazy. I was allowed to feel rage. I was allowed to be angry. I was allowed to tell someone who had purposely hurt me to fuck off.

And this wasn’t just for my ex. This was also for the adults who were supposed to protect me as a child.

The cost of not choosing yourself

As the sessions went on, I came to realise that I had been a neglected child, which conditioned me to neglect myself as an adult.

I never chose myself. I always chose others first, hoping and praying someone would choose me back.

Why I stayed in relationships that didn’t serve me

I subconsciously chose patterns I could control, like dating men who had no business being with me. Deep down, I knew they weren’t right for me, but I picked them because I knew they would never leave me. If anyone was going to do the dumping, it would be me.

Through that healing, I realised that at 36 years old, I had never truly been in love. During that time, I met my twin flame, and he reflected to me the wounds I still needed to face.

By the end of 2019, I had won my court case regarding the children. The judgment was in my favour, and I was finally ready to end my relationship with my ex. But I needed to exit strategically so I wouldn’t be left financially ruined. In January 2020, I ended it. Great timing, because two months later, the pandemic hit.

I walked away from my twin flame in July 2020 because I was finally choosing myself. I wanted to know what it would feel like if I poured all the love I’d been giving to others back into myself. I wanted to see what my life would look like if I bet on myself.

September 2020 was the beginning of self-love and the start of my spiritual awakening. I’ll share that story another time.

What happens when you finally choose yourself

Over the next six months, I started removing people from my life, friends and family members. For the first time, I really saw those relationships for what they were: shallow, transactional, and rooted in my abandoning myself. I decided no more. Friends who only thrived when I failed to choose myself became uncomfortable, cruel, and spiteful when I started transforming and succeeding.

In one year, I had gone from £30K a year to six figures. They had front-row seats to my transformation. They had watched me puffing away on cigarettes, crying, moaning about problems, unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and then watched as therapy and self-choosing flipped the script.

Some even tried to con me out of money, and one even tried to pursue my twin flame.

But because I was choosing myself, I saw it all clearly and shut it down quickly.

I was no longer lying to myself, no longer entertaining subpar relationships. For the first time, I was realising my worth. For the first time, someone was finally choosing me. And it was me.

Do you know what that does to a woman’s self-esteem? It sends it through the fucking roof.

She no longer needs the job title, the designer clothes, or outside validation because she already knows she’s that woman. She doesn’t see competition. She’s too focused on herself. She’s obsessed with herself.

She becomes the chooser. And she bets on herself every single time because she knows she’ll always win.

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish; It’s survival. It’s the moment you decide you’re done waiting for someone else to validate you, save you, or pick you. The truth is, no one is coming. But the second you realise you’ve always had the power to choose you, your life shifts. So, what would change for you today if you finally put yourself first?