Some of you may know I’m going through my second Dark Night of the Soul, and unlike my last one, there isn’t much resistance this time, just flow, because I’m surrendering.

Due to my quick acceptance of where I am, it has created space for me to be reflective and record my experience, and I must say, it has been eye-opening and surprising.

This time, my Dark Night of the Soul is about me being the villain and how I must integrate that with my light, as both darkness and light are needed to live life well. I am showing up as a villain in people’s lives and owning it. But I’ll talk about that another day, as that deserves its own article.

The Myth That Shadow Work Must Be Done Alone

Today, I want to dismantle the myth that shadow work must be done in isolation.

Now, for all my fellow codependents, that doesn’t permit you to run from being alone because isolation is needed. But it’s not the only way to do shadow work.

Shadow work requires light. Without light, you’re in darkness, and shadows cannot be seen in the dark. That’s where community comes in.

The community is the light. They are needed because without them, your shadows cannot be seen, and if they’re not seen, they can’t be integrated.

The integration happens in solitude, but the seeing happens with the community.

Where Light Meets Shadow: My Experience

Last weekend, I was with my family at a charity boxing event. One of my brothers was participating as a boxer.

My family, my brother’s friends, and I had booked a few tables; we were all sitting there, cheering, talking, eating, drinking.

One of my brothers asked me how I was, and instead of giving the usual “yeah, I’m fine,” I decided to be brutally honest. I told him I wasn’t okay, that I felt like crying, as I often do these days, because I’m going through an ego death. I told him how lost I felt, how I didn’t really know what to do with my life.

I hadn’t realised others nearby were listening, but something magical happened.

My brother and the others started to be honest too, sharing where they were in life and how they really felt.

Because of that, my brother and the others in our group were able to shine light on one of my shadows. I went home, reflected in solitude, made a decision, integrated it, and experienced peace about it.

That wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t been honest with the community that showed up that day.

The Courage to Be Seen

To let the community in, you have to be courageous enough to accept where you’re at. I was already honouring my ego death, and even though it felt uncomfortable, I had accepted and surrendered to the discomfort.

Even if I wanted to pretend that everything was fine, I couldn’t because I had already said yes to everything that was coming with this ego death.

Community as the Mirror, Solitude as the Integration

Community doesn’t have to mean your immediate family or close friends. It can be strangers.

The majority of the people nearby who were listening and sharing their own stories — I’d never met them before.

And yet, they became an important part of my transformation.

This is how shadow work unfolds when you let light in: community helps you see your shadows; solitude helps you integrate them.

Shadow work isn’t meant to isolate you. It’s meant to connect you.

You’ll do the inner work alone, yes, but it’s the people around you, the conversations, the moments of truth, the mirrors that help you see what still needs love.

When you allow yourself to be seen, you invite healing.

And when you combine that courage with solitude, integration becomes inevitable.